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We've been close companions for more than 20 years, who has overcome numerous hardships, and I respect her for that. Yet, she's often blindsided by others. Her partner walked away, and it was a huge shock. Several of her social circle drifted away at that point, because they seemed focused solely on her husband. This surprised her deeply. She put in more effort in our friendship, and must have realised more clearly the meaning of companionship.

A Recurring Theme In Relationships

Throughout this period, several of her friends vanished leaving her sure why. Her previous job became hostile, even though she had been an excellent employee, she departed without knowing the reason for the change.

How Things Stand Now

Recently, both of us left the workforce so we're spending frequent meetups, but I am finding the part I play in the relationship feels one-sided. I start discussion points but she shifts conversation onto things she cares about. Regarding political views, she holds unyielding views. I try to suggest verifying facts and different perspectives.

She is arranging a trip to a country I've visited many times and lived in for a while. My intention was to provide insights, but this was not welcomed. She essentially just desired me to confirm her plans. I have ended a month in that place and she wants to catch up, but I don't.

Weighing the Options

I hesitate to act as a friend that walks away abruptly, however, I feel she will ever grasp the consequences of how she acts on my self-esteem. Right now, my state is avoidance mode. How should I proceed?

Possible Paths

It's possible to end things abruptly, however, that approach is seldom a smooth outcome we hope for. But confrontation with a view to a solution takes courage and openness for each of you.

Professional advice indicates trying a useful conflict resolution tool:

"Initially is to state the usual pattern during your discussions. It should be based on facts like an unbiased account. Next is to tell the way it leaves you feeling. There should be no disagreement about this. What you feel are valid, naturally. Finally is to ask ways you together will alter the pattern in your relationship."

Consider that she also has her own side, thus requiring you to stay open to acknowledge it. An approach that works involves stating to the other person:

"It's your turn to speak and I promise to remain silent for 30 minutes."

It's remarkably impactful for promoting mutual respect.

Final Thoughts

This person might reject your concerns, as some people have a “survival narrative”: they maintain a story regarding their experiences they won't let go of because their very survival relies on it and it's all they've known. This is difficult as there is no easy route with these people, just dead ends. But she may at first react like this and then think your perspective. If you don't achieve a fix, it will give you satisfaction that you've been honest with her.